As I discussed in my last post, Being Okay, we live in a society that has rules for how and who to love that discriminate against members of the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve come to expect the attitudes and language that reflect those heteronormative beliefs. I’m a bit surprised, though, at some of the attitudes and beliefs I run into within the LGBTQ+ community.
Being a single lesbian comes with challenges. I ran into some interesting views years ago that I knew I would encounter once I was single again. One experience I had in my thirties was when a lesbian friend who was in a relationship came to visit me from out of town. At the time, I was also in a relationship, but was living alone. She informed me that she was not “allowed” to stay in my house and had to make other arrangements. I felt hurt because I thought she and her partner did not trust me.
I also experienced people saying that they could not do things with a single lesbian unless their partner was also there. They were basically saying that they would not engage with the person individually, only as a couple. Clearly, their intention is to protect their relationship, but at what cost? If you do the math, you realize that if everyone thought this way, it would mean that single lesbians can only form close friendships with other single lesbians. Sure, you can form close friendships with a couple, but face it, we don’t always like or connect with both members of a couple, and sometimes it’s easier to have meaningful conversations one on one.… Read the full post “Love Rules”