Posts by melaniethornton

Old Wounds

Posted on by melaniethornton

In my first post, Walk 20 Blocks and Call Me in the Morning, I mentioned that I was working through childhood trauma with a therapist. I’ll share more about that later, but right now, I want to acknowledge that the experience of trauma during childhood is quite common. Though our individual experiences differ, the majority of us have experienced painful circumstances early in our lives. As I share my own journey, I do so with the recognition that this journey does not make me unique. In fact, it connects me to those of you who also had traumatic experiences as a child.

How do we know that childhood trauma is common? One piece of evidence comes from the ACE Study. I learned about this important research a few years ago and it had a profound impact on my own understanding, and on our collective understanding of the prevalence and impact of childhood trauma. ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences.

A brief summary of the findings is: There is a strong correlation between the number of adverse childhood experiences a person has and an increased risk of unhealthy behaviors and health problems.

To be more specific, children who experience

  • physical abuse,
  • sexual abuse,
  • emotional abuse,
  • physical neglect,
  • emotional neglect,
  • mental illness of a family member,
  • incarceration of a family member,
  • a mother being treated violently,
  • parents being divorced, and/or
  • substance abuse of a family member

…become adults who are more likely to:

  • be physically inactive,
  • abuse drugs or alcohol,
  • smoke,
  • miss a lot of work,
  • have health problems such as depression, diabetes, heart disease, COPD, stroke, STDs, cancer, broken bones, and severe obesity, and/or
  • attempt suicide.
… Read the full post “Old Wounds”

Dung Beetles, Howler Monkeys and Fruit Trees

Posted on by melaniethornton

I became intrigued by dung beetles several years ago when I began to notice a couple of species of dung beetles in my yard making good use of the dung left behind by our dogs! As I began reading and learning more about these amazing beetles, I ran across some fascinating research being done on dung beetles in rainforest habitats.

The research indicates that a mutualism exists between three species—howler monkeys, dung beetles and fruit trees. Here is how the relationship unfolds. Howler monkeys spend lots of time in the fruit trees of the tropics eating the fruit and foliage. They deposit the seeds of the trees mixed with their dung below the trees. Left there, the seeds would be concentrated too densely to germinate and successfully produce very many trees. That is, the saplings would be in competition with each other for nutrition and sunlight. The seeds would also be vulnerable to rodents who would use them for food. These factors would all work together to reduce the population of fruit trees.

Enter the dung beetle—an unlikely hero. The dung beetle gathers up the dung, which happens to be mixed with seeds, from the piles in balls and roles them away. The female lays her eggs in the ball of dung or “brood ball” and the male and female then bury the brood balls a few inches below the ground surface. Because of the presence of dung beetles, the seeds of the trees are dispersed more widely and are buried at a depth that protects them from rodents.… Read the full post “Dung Beetles, Howler Monkeys and Fruit Trees”

I’m So Lucky!

Posted on by melaniethornton

As today is Thanksgiving, I want to share a story about gratitude.

Years ago my mom worked with a man who had several children. The youngest, Julia, was doted over by the whole family. She had to go in to have her tonsils removed and her parents and siblings worried that she would be scared. So they dealt with it preemptively by talking about all of the good things that would happen before and after the surgery.

“You’ll get to stay home from school.”

“You’ll get to eat all of the ice cream and popsicles you want.”

And on and on.

They realized they may have overdone it when she finally proclaimed, “I’m so lucky!”

This story is one that my family has referenced often through the years. Like an inside joke, we sometimes say “I’m so lucky” in situations where we are facing something challenging. It brings a bit of levity into the situation and is also a reminder that there really is always something to be grateful for.

As neuroscientists are recognizing the many benefits of gratitude on our well-being they are also discovering that for some people, like Julia, gratitude comes more naturally. Research is identifying both genetic differences and brain differences in people who are naturally more grateful.

The good news though is that whether gratitude comes naturally or not, practicing gratitude can change our habits and maybe even rewire our brains—resulting in greater health and happiness.

Gratitude can look a lot of different ways. We may be grateful to a specific person.… Read the full post “I’m So Lucky!”

You Are Not the Sound, But the Echo

Posted on by melaniethornton

Several years ago, I took a few days to retreat in Northwest Arkansas, spending time reading and reflecting in a small cabin above the White River. One morning, this phrase came to my mind: You are not the sound, but the echo…Not the thing itself, but the reflection of it.

I spent time just thinking about what that meant to me. I realized that I tend to think of myself as very solid. The reality is that I am (we all are) ever-changing. Physically I am aging and what I call “me” now, is very different from the “me” when I was 6. How many cells are actually the same cells that made up that “me”? And in terms of my perspective, I’m also constantly evolving.

This idea of my being more like an echo or a reflection, served as a reminder to soften my firmly held view of who I am, what I am, what I think is right…to allow a bit of light and space in.

A calm body of water surrounded by trees. Text: You are not the sound, but the echo. Not the thing itself, but the reflection of it.

Recently I found myself in a situation where another person was responding to me in ways I could not understand. Their behavior changed  abruptly and I found it very confusing and disorienting, but I did not have any information about why they had changed. I started filling in the gaps with what I thought might have occurred. I then responded to them based on my own “solid” storyline about what was happening.

When my response didn’t get the results I hoped for, I started to form a narrative about myself with critical statements like “See, you haven’t made any progress at all” and even “What a fraud you are!”… Read the full post “You Are Not the Sound, But the Echo”

Finding Our Voice

Posted on by melaniethornton

One of my favorite sounds is that of the Chuck Will’s Widow. I always look forward to their arrival in spring. Its voice cuts through the darkness and rings out with a distinct call.  This is a very shy bird that is not often seen but whose call is melodic and strong.

What better symbol for the process of finding our voice. When we are trying to become more clear about who we are, what we believe, what we value, it is helpful to come to the quiet. We toss our words into the silence and listen as their echo returns to us, asking ourselves, “Is this my truth?” We fine-tune our narrative until our inner truth and words and deeds align and we can declare distinctly, “This is me. I am here!” And others hear us and recognize us by our song. Our voices, honed by intentional reflection, pierce the darkness of unconscious conformity and allow us to be seen and to inspire others to do the same.

As I begin this blog, I’m aware that I’m trying to find my voice in this new way. I hope to gain more clarity and certainty along the way.

 

It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.
Madeleine Albright

… Read the full post “Finding Our Voice”

Walk 20 Blocks and Call Me in the Morning!

Posted on by melaniethornton

I was 57. I had just separated from my partner of over 20 years. I had moved in with my mom in her rather small apartment. I was away from my dog. We were a year into the pandemic. Work was more stressful than normal. I was trying to work through some childhood trauma with a therapist. I was emotionally exhausted.

One day, I just set off walking. I didn’t walk because I read I should or because I wanted to exercise or lose weight. I walked because I had to. The turmoil inside my body, mind and heart compelled me to move. And walking was the way I chose to move. I began walking daily. And with every walk, I felt like I was somehow cleansing the trauma that was living inside me. If I skipped a day, I could feel more of it creeping back in. It was as if I had skipped a dose of medicine.

And then, I happened to run across Brené Brown’s podcast interview with Emily and Amelia Nagoski, the authors of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Here’s a summary of some of the key points of the podcast and book.

  1. “Emotions…involve the release of neurochemicals in the brain, in response to some stimulus.”1
  2. They have a beginning, middle and end. They are like a tunnel.
  3. If you move all the way through the tunnel, great! But if you don’t do something to complete the cycle of the emotion, you get stuck in the tunnel and the chemicals created by that emotion get stuck in your body.
… Read the full post “Walk 20 Blocks and Call Me in the Morning!”